The Art of Tip Toeing

It may be the weather.

It may be my relationships with people.

It may be fear of happiness.

It may be the stars not aligning the right way.

It may be the chemicals in my brain not getting along.

It may be because I watch the News too much.

It may be my creative juices being clogged up.

It may just be me.


Throughout life I have become an outstanding tip toer. I learned to stand on the tips of my toes, balancing myself, through the turmoils of everyday living. Anxiously, I try to keep myself upright knowing full well that eventually I will tumble, but I also know full well I will be able to pick myself back up.

I often wonder why I had to master the art of the tip toe. Why does living have to be so hard sometimes. Why

Hopefully in the end I will be a better person, a stronger person, and someone who can be loved. Someone who no longer has the rough edges that I have and someone that expresses their feelings without hesitation, cloudiness, and my ability to become mute. I have mastered that art also.

As I ease my way there may be things that push me, making me lean more to one side. I must learn to pay attention to the things that make me stand tall…

…OR at least as tall as my 5’1 self can stand 😉





Can I Please Have A Lobotomy?


I have often wondered, if I won the lottery would I have any surgeries done. Plastic or otherwise. After a few minutes of thinking this time, I made a mental list. My number 5 was a lobotomy.

All of my life, my nonsensical mind and lack of a sane mental state has followed me around like a stage 5 clinger. Never leaving me alone and torturing me throughout my days. And, if you knew me at all, you would know that I like my space.

Yes, I know what you are saying. It’s my mind and my mental state. But, it’s not like I went to Walmart, perused the shelves and picked out these lovely pieces of merchandise myself. It’s what the higher spiritual power gifted me. So, I blame Him/Her/It for the clingers.

The depths my mind can take me is no fun. Often cold, dark and lonely. And, other times (sometimes seconds later) warm, sunny and cheery with a need for adventure and a love for the future. My mind can ignore my flaws one minute and then dissect the hell out of them the next. The ups and downs, depression and self-hatred can destroy any moment without a trace of warning. You know those annoying warnings on the Iphone about your storage being full?? I would love one of them every time a roller coaster of emotions was coming my way.

So, a lobotomy would be great! Santa, can you hear me?! I would have a break. A timeout from over thinking. From torturing myself to the edge of insanity. I would be a different person.

But, I guess that would be a negative too. I am a decent person…sometimes. Would I still like the same things? What if I didn’t like the Beatles anymore? That’s a scary thought. There’s probably negative side effects and all. I haven’t done any research on it. So maybe having them scrap away at my frontal lobe isn’t a good idea and I should move it down to at least #10 on the list for now.

It was a good idea for a second.


I’m Late For My Week 1 Update

I haven’t been able to jump on here, so I’m a little late with my Week 1 update. Honestly, there have been moments to hop on, but I just didn’t feel like talking about myself. I aggravate, anger and sometimes torture myself and when my alter ego is in that mood I need to give it space to vent before I go about changing.

Anyway, Week 1 update….

1. Wake up each day and remind myself of the Reiki Principles


I did it! Every morning I awoke and repeated each one. I definitely had trouble with the first and second ones. However, it did make me take a second to breath when I got angry and suddenly it would disappear. I dig that.

2. Write 1 chapter for one of my books

I wrote one chapter for The Unpredictable Life Of The Peculiar Meadow Gabor

3. Take 3 walks

I took two. Let’s not talk about it :/

4. Re-Illustrated I Am Me. You’re Welcome

I didn’t re-illustrate that one. You see, what had happened was…I decided to finish getting my novel When It Rains all set and ready to go for a re-release. So, I think they cancel each other out.

5. Day 1 of Yoga Challenge

I did a yoga for beginners instead. I enjoyed it, but I really would LOVE to get a treadmill.

I don’t think I did that bad for being the first week. Here are my 5 things for week 2

1. I will not edit myself for anyone. I tend to conform sometimes to what people can handle.

2. I will work with the Reiki Principle of “Just For Today, I Will Not Anger.”

3 Finalize the Re-release of When It Rains

4. Pack some stuff. I’m going on a road trip!

5. I will try and not talk negatively towards myself.

I’m Back

I disappeared for a little bit once again. I have a habit of doing that. But, I’m back and that is all that counts, right?! Right.

Well, the reason I’m back is because it’s time to get my life in order and to stay on track. Just like this blog, I tend to get on track and then hop off without looking back. It’s easy to do for me; I’m a great hopper. Especially when I hop into the negative thinking realm of my mind. Which, again, is easy to do since negativity takes up most of the room up there. It’s a room hogger.

To try and make room for positivity and enlightenment, I am going to take tiny steps to change instead of leaping because, it seems, the greater of leap I take in is minute in size to the leap I take out.

So, every week I will write down a to-do list of five things that I think will somehow help me and then after the week I’ll let you know If I did them all. If a task is not finished, please feel free to yell at me. I may yell back, but it’s all out of love 🙂

Week 1

1. Wake up each day and remind myself of the Reiki Principles

2. Write 1 chapter for one of my books

3. Take 3 walks

4. Re-Illustrated I Am Me. You’re Welcome

5. Day 1 of Yoga Challenge

Here I go……